Oh man, have we been working. WORKING, I SAY. Let me tell you a little story.

So we knew it would happen eventually - our file got too big. I blew my wad on a top-of-the-line computer just to export this mammoth beast for the initial launch. But with yet more help from Mike, we discovered a way to split the thing into manageable chunks and get the ball rolling again (a lot like what happened with BoMtoon's Abobo game).

Now Flash is getting wonky on us and we've run into bugs we're not used to dealing with. Not code problems, mind you...just...Flash being a complete moron. Symbols swapping their content, that sort of thing. We're meticulously combing through our work files trying to quash every usurping piece of garbage that crosses our paths.

Oh, but IT'S COMING. And it's coming with more content than all the previous updates combined. Just remember...

"We're not using the Zed-word!"

-Swain

p.s. I found this:

BELOW: Choose your poison.

More new stuff for you, and more bug fixes! Small but necessary update, which will be up as soon as NG approves it.

NEW GUNS: USP Match, OTs-33, TAR-21, and Luger P08. Our pistol category is sure getting beefed up, innit?
NEW ARMOR: Tricky Mask, Hank Headwraps, G03LM Armor Pieces, Officer's cap, and more!
BUG FIX: Gun upgrade attachments were not registering after load. This has been fixed for all of your current guns as well.
GUN COSTS: M249 etc are more expensive, based on ammo capacity.
---
We're still looking for feedback, bugs, and suggestions for the next big episode!

Hey guys! So sometime this morning the new update will be up, with the following SWEET FEATURES BRO:

*NEW ITEMS: Guns (BrowningHP, Fiveseven, M11, Uzi) and Armor!
*MEDAL: Savior's Sword. Can you find it?
*ARENA WAVES - New and improved system!
*MUTE MUSIC - YOUR'E WELCOME ALREADY SHEESH
*AI PATHFINDING - Improved, less wall humping, and hopefully less CPU usage.

----------

Also I wanted to talk to you guys about features you were expecting out of Episode 2, which will be a HUGE update. Here are our hopes and dreams so far:

X) DUAL WIELDING: That's right! Two pistols, two melee weapons, or one of each! Why pistol whip nearby enemies when you can cut them down like you were born to do it?

X) GRAPPLING/THROWING: Why not a couple of hand-to-hand takedowns for those silent kills?

X) JESUS: Yeah, he's a playable character, including all of his powers: resurrection, bullet deflecting, and so on. Question is, what would you offer us to make sure Hank and Jesus team up? Your first born son? We'll see.

X) EXECUTIONS: Some people just don't want to die. Be a good samaritan and help them out, ok?

And that's just for starters. Enjoy the update!

And it will be yours.

Thanks for waiting so patiently, you hosers. After we went over out Feb deadline, we decided to push this thing with maximum features and get it out THE RIGHT WAY.

Get ready to take down the Nexus!

This is what you've been waiting for, and that wait is drawing to a close.

THERE IS ONLY MADNESS.

Don't worry guys, it's comin'. Krinkels and I haven't had a day off this month since we decided to doubletime the project. Today is the last day of features programming. I want to give you guys a rundown of the main game features so you know why we've gone a bit over deadline (we DO expect to be finished within a week latest).

x) Our main goal here is to have a fun game which simulates a true Madness experience, just like watching the cartoons! Matt is a Nazi about his guns, so expect every game weapon to match its real world counterpart right down to the last spring.
x) The game will be EPISODIC. That is to say, it will be released with a single world's worth of stages, and we'll get straight to work on the next set. In a perfect world, we would have a new set of stages for you guys every month. Maybe more often than that.
x) In Episode 1 you'll mostly be kicking ass as Sanford and Deimos. Hank and a few other characters will be making appearances throughout the series, too.
x) Along with episode updates, you'll have new game modes to dick around with as well. We're including an Arena wave mode on launch, with plans for an RPG mode (Dead Rising style) and CTF Paintball down the line.

So there ya go! In the meantime, here is Hank blowing a guy's head off from behind cover, and Blockhead Episode 1 translated into German:

----------------------

Con: Wirst du wieder wie ein Idiot dasitzen und den Fernseher anstarren?
BH: Das Programm ist langweilig.
Con: Das wird daran liegen, dass es ausgeschaltet ist. Du wohnst hier schon 15(fünfzehn) Jahre und hast dir nie Kabelfernsehen gekauft.
BH: Bring es zum Laufen!
Con: Ich komm gleich drauf zurück. Wie wäre es wenn DU das Telefon DA nimmst?
BH: Hallo?
Con: Nein, lass das, Dummer.
Con: Nein, nicht.... nimm das Telefon!
BH: Hallo?
Con: Toll! Ok, siehst du die Nummer da beim Telefon. Wähl sie. Das ist die Kabelfernsehgesellschaft.
...
Con: Also?
BH: Es ist für dich.
Con: Es ist niemand dran, du Spinner. Jetzt wähl die Nummer.
BH: Welche Nummer?
Con: Alle, in der Reihenfolge in der sie dastehen. Nicht rückwärst, nicht auf den Kopf gestellt. Wähl die Nummer!
BH: Weeeee!
Con: Wähl sie. Wähl die Nummer! Verstanden? Wähl die Nummer, Dummer! Wähl die Nummer, Dummer! Wähl die Nummer, Dummer!
Con: Wähl sie! Warum kannst du sie nicht einfach wählen? Worauf wartest du? Wähl sie!
BH: Ohhhh!
Con: Gott!
Con: Warum hast du aufgelegt?
BH: Sie waren nicht da. Ich hab den Anrufbeantworter erwischt.
Con: Das war eine automatische Maschine, die den Kunden hilft ihren Anschluss zu aktivieren. Warum hast du aufgelegt?
Con: Nein tue das nicht, das ist nur dumm.
Con: Schau wer an der Tür ist, wenn du fertig bist.
Ende / Schluss

Oh! Fancy seeing you here. I wasn't expecting company.

Come, please. Sit. Can I get you anything?

An Official Madness Game by Krinkels and Swain? Sure, I think I have one of those somewhere.

Let me look around..for just a... AH! Here we go.

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?!

FEB XX 2012, RIP: YOUR FACE

FOUND IT. I can't believe it took me this long. Anyone who has ever watched Blockhead remember this?

This is.

.
/* */

Tell me that the singer for Hail Social doesn't sound exactly like Tom.

.
/* */
Afro-Ninja: "I dunno it's no 'cream cheese sandwiches'"

That's true, Afro-Ninja, home of the original Escape Series. But here's one of Tom's less high-performance singing pieces to help you visualize what I'm talking about.

Tom's Luis Day Song

K COOL BYE

also go watch Africa Dudes, which wouldn't be so long if people had only followed instructions LOL

SWAIN